indigoblu wrote @ July 15, 2008 at 3:51 am

Just to make this clear, I am not referring to everyone (black parents, family, youth) but the majority for sure; it is quite evident. the majority of our black communities are hurting. Though some of the reasons may not be “pretty”, it’s still the reality.

  indigoblu wrote @ July 15, 2008 at 2:09 pm

Tee:
I agree and that goes back to what I said about what it means to be ‘black’ now a days.

Now everything “black” seems to be negative and embraced in spite of its negativity. It’s just not “cool” be smart in school anymore, so many don’t even try. In fact, the worse you do, it seems in many cases, the “cooler” you are. Some one who is diligent and smart in school is looked down on and out casted, called “stuck up” and the likes, especially if they didn’t help you cheat (a negative within a negative). A young lady who may be virginal or a young man…she/he is looked down on for being that way, for having respect for their bodies and equal respect for their minds. When someone else is doing good and by good means, everyone else is looking down on them instead of aspiring to be like them and get to the same or a better place.

Call it an identity crisis or what but it’s the mentality that most have bought into, getting their identity from the direst of places (like BET); it is obvious a lot of our communities get a lot of their behaviors from it. So now you have a bunch of little boys who think they are men acting like thugs that they know nothing about it. I know these rappers know that they are influencing these children in less than positive ways but they don’t give a damn, as long as they are getting money. What happen to boycotting crap like that—things that are doing nothing but hurting our communities not helping them. Now we just embrace whatever the next one embraces, no matter the moral.

As the late Tupac Shakur rapped (when rap music was an art):

” I remember Marvin Gaye, he use to sang to me; he had me feeling like BLACK was the thang to be.”

I often find myself daydreaming about the days when it MEANT something to be black; where we were united with each other. “Say it loud, I’m black and I’m proud!” I think that is my era, maybe I was reincarnated, but that’s the hope and love I have for my people, but they lack the same hope and love for them selves, and it’s very disappointing.

What happen to when we ALL use to respect eachother and respect ourselves and respect our women, respect our elders, without a doubt…respect the family, and without a doubt respect the church? That fire is gone and we are shattered in mind and body–where is the strong black spirit that has endured us all these years?

Now I am not saying that they had everything all figured out because they didn’t but they wanted better for themselves, and not only did they want better…they took action to make it better.

They protested, they rallied, they boycotted, they worked hard, they helped each other, they respected each other. What happen to having guns as a means of self defense (Black Panthers) and protecting our people? . Now we tote guns as if we have the right to take someone’s life without our own being threaten. The gang that was first formed to protect our people now murder our people via drugs and guns in cold blood on the streets.

We’ve always made our own way, but now it seems like we are just taking any ol’ way. We have forgotten who we are, and who we are not. We are not just descendents of slaves. Who we are is a people who have tremendous strength, love, and creativity. Where is the flame? Did someone forget to pass the torch or did it simply burn out?

The real people who actually do not care are those who ignore it and say nothing, those who do nothing, and those who encourage it; you do the math.

  indigoblu wrote @ July 20, 2008 at 9:51 pm

M. Anderson:

First, let me say thank you for participating in this blog. It is a very personal issue to me and obviously to you as well. I don’t mind the “long-windedness”. I don’t object to it in the least, in fact, I appreciate it.

I think that often times we, as black people, don’t have enough of the long-winded discussions, which could actually lead to better understandings of the problems that may actually help develop a concrete solution(s).

I also believe it starts in each one of us. The example that you set for the youth, be it your children or someone else’s, and the type of family that you have, their values and their respect for themselves and the people around them….that will make all the difference in the world. It may seem a small thing, but when you bring forth a generation that has been led in the right direction by you or by me, you’ve already began to change the tide.

M. Anderson stated:

You said: “The truth is, a lot of the black youth of today do not respect their parents or anyone else, let alone their elders”
Whose fault is that? Again, when do we take responsibility and stop blaming the kids for how they act. Their behavior is a direct reflection of ours. They didn’t get that way by themselves, yet we singled them out and tell them they should know better, when they truly don’t. Unfortunately, the youth don’t respect their parents or elders because they haven’t been made to do so. With laxed parenting, the deterioration of family values and morals & the inferiority factor in America they haven’t had the same foundation laid. There hasn’t be a “struggle”, that they were forced into. Most other then dealing with the police don’t know what real racism is. They don’t know the importance of who they are and who they can be.

I’ve already stated:

WE must take responsibility for our own actions and for our children, and the youth MUST be held accountable for their own actions—if not, nothing productive will actually come out it. It is actually because family and church has neglected their responsibilities and children were not held accountable for their actions that we, as a people, are in this mess now……[ They (children) are settling for less because WE are settling for less; we are not expecting more from them—we are not commanding it. When I say WE I mean the older people in the black community. If we didn’t accept this type of garbage inside OR outside of our communities, they wouldn’t accept it either. I am just one person making changes in my life, but no one told me to, I simply looked around myself and commanded change by making a change.]

M. Anderson stated:

So it’s unfair to expect “Marcus” to go to a school where education isn’t the priority, from a family where he’s only seen women working and taking care of the family, in a situation where no one he knows has graduated high school, and the most successful person he can name is the dude slangin’ rock on the corner driving the Benz and you expect him to strive for better? For that to be an innate feeling? Yes, in a ideal world, you expect him to try to better himself and to know that there is more out there then that. Yet, we aren’t in that world.

I’ve already stated:

The mentality of the black youth has to change; I can’t stress this enough. I know this lifestyle because I’m part of the youth; I see it everyday and stare it right in the face. Why is everything virulent labeled as “black”? I am aware that this is not entirely their fault but we have to start holding them accountable and the media accountable and ourselves accountable and control/protest the things that our children see on TV, play on video games, we have to be involved and active in their lives (both the mother AND the father) from school to football practice. In order to get more, you have to want more and know that your worth exceeds every bit of it.

So it is clear that I agree the parents have to play the part, of course, but in playing that part, it means, also that the child has to be held accountable for what they are doing or not dong. You can’t have one without the other. This is more or less the same thing Cosby has said, even with his harsh overtones.

M. Anderson said:

You’re right, they (generalizations) were around before Cosby referenced them, that’s precisely why he shouldn’t go off on a tirade as if he’s saying something new. Yes, everyone thinks it, and there are plenty of people who’ve had the “balls” to say it, they just didn’t make a spectacle of it.

When I think of making a spectacle out of the generalizations and stereotypes that exist about the black community, I think of things like BET or these black “parody” movies. BET and these movies promote and make a spectacle out of the black community because they both are saying:

“This is how black people are, this is what entertains them, this is how they act, this is their lives, their men call their women bitches and whores, their men are all selling dope on the street and killing each other, they are cheating on their women, their women are loose and promiscuous, their women have 5 kids with different daddies, their woman have no respect for themselves, their men are only after sex, their men wear over sized shirts and jeans, chains that are too big for their necks, shades at night when there is no need for them, they value only materialistic things, they don’t value education, they value sex, they don’t value family, black men cheat and lie, black men beat on their women, they pimp their women, black women do not have minds, instead they have what is between their legs, a big behind to look at and big breast to flaunt and that is more or less all they are; they are loud and ghetto….PS: if you want to know more about black people…just keep watching BET and some of these black movies”

—almost every stereotype that exists, they promote. That, my friend, is a spectacle not the mere words of Bill Cosby.

Tyler Perry’s movies are the only exception to the black“pardoy” movies. I think he is a very intelligent man, and I believe he has figured out that there is no point in these movies unless they have some deeper underlying meaning behind them that can give hope and a solution—to be better and to DO better even though the odds may be against you. He knows our communities are hurting, and he’s doing something about it. I have much respect for him.

M. Anderson said:

I’m attended Morehouse, and I’ve been to plenty of discussion about this. In fact Cosby, did one of his infamous rants at a open forum at Morehouse. And that is truly a forum for that, but honestly you’re speaking to men who are in school and are trying to educate themselves. This takes them out of the major target group, he’s actually trying to reach. So why not hit up YMCA’s, high schools, churches. These places even if what he’s says leaves the building it won’t be as publicized as a speech at a Historically Black College about how sorry young black men are. Speak to your audience directly, relate to them, talk to them in a manner that they will understand. You make reference to the youth looking up to rappers, this is one of the reasons why.

I agree that he should target the younger people, especially at some of the places you mentioned, as I believe it starts and ends with them. However, I don’t disagree with him speaking to you all at your college because you guys will be the next ones bringing children into this world, and hopefully under better circumstances than many of the black children now living without fathers in their lives and struggling to stay above all the negativity this world can throw at a young black mind.

Hopefully, you all will be present in the child’s household, not just in his/her life, and be a strong role model for them because this makes all the difference in the world to a child—both their parents being there—it gives them something positive to look up to and forward to. I don’t think he was entirely off in doing this.

Children look up to these rappers because they have no other guidance…absent fathers/mothers or those who really don’t care. It is a trend, just look at it. Children who grow up in broken homes most often are the ones caught up in having children early, into the “thug” life, drugs/gangs etc with no stability, struggling more or less the same struggle their separate parents struggled. You have already mentioned this yourself…..Cosby and his approach in words is not the reason why these kids are struggling their parents and their lack of personal responsibility are.

M. Anderson said:

Black youth are angry? Is it just the youth that’s angry? I was watching CNN earlier, and they showed a statistic of where American’s stand on race: black vs. white. 56% of White Americans said that race relations were good. While only 29% of African Americans said the same. We’ve come as far as we’ve come because we’ve struggled and fought for an equality that we still do not fully have.

It is no secret that there is still not true equality in America, and being that I’m black and I’m assuming you are as well, we both are extremely aware of this. Most of white America is oblivious to race relations in America because of white privilege. Since they are not affected by the issues that the black community and other minorities are, they fail to see any problem. Why would they? They are living the good life—the majority of them anyway.

Now, let me clear this up. Maybe I was not clear before so sorry. I did not say that the black youth don’t have a reason to be angry. I simply stated that they ARE angry because earlier you stated:

I agree, why not change what we can change? But to the defense of the youth, a lot of them just don’t know any better. It’s an ignorance more so then a defiance. So why do you counter ignorance with anger? Anger never works. Berating and embarrassing them is only going to force the divide further and further.

I agree with you that anger does not work, as well….that’s why I have said repetitively take action and stop being passive. A lot of people are angry yes, but that does nothing to solve anything. You have to be active and not passive in actually solving the problems, not piling more problems on problems already deeper than the sea itself.

M. Anderson said:

Yes, we have sky-rocketing crime rates in our community. And recently Latino’s have started gaining on us, because they are increasing in numbers. And as the increasing minority they too are victims of an unequal system. Which tends to lead to higher crime rates. So are Latino youth angry as well? Or is it just a larger number of them unfairly treated by the system.

Yes, the Latino community is angry as well as the black community for very similar reasons but I think they do have their differences, as common as the surface issues may seem. Why?

Black people have been here for a long time….very long time…through slavery and the likes…we fought the struggle for every minority who has ever had the opportunity to come to America and still we are treated unfairly and then a lot of minority people who come here have the audacity to look down on African Americans, which is a double slap in the face.

Have you noticed that there are commercials now that are by Latino people speaking only in Espanol—no English caption or anything on regular TV? I believe we will be seeing a lot more of that. Why?

There are people who are part of the Latino community who have came over here and climbed up the corporate ladder and government ladder (and they help each other up the ladder too when they get up—something we black people tend NOT to do) and through money, power, and influence were able to pull some strings for members of the Latino community to benefit and gain from America’s prosperity so they can slowly but quite surely get a piece of the American pie. Why has this not happened in the black community?

M. Anderson said:

……[ They (kids) have respect for Snoop and various other rappers because these are the people talking about what they know. These are the people who are showing them that it’s possible to succeed in life from their situations….. look at Jay-Z because he’s from where they are from, he’s been through what they are going through, and he speaks to them….. [Yes, there are plenty of black CEO’s, scientist, etc..but how many are from the projects? They It’s not enough black CEO’s and scientist speaking to the kids. We tend to “make it” and “move on up” and try to get as far away from “where we came from” as possible. Which only hurts the youth. They have no idea that it’s possible to achieve half the things that the successful people in our community are doing. The young black youth are the neglected portion of our community that we only turn to when we want to blame something on them.]

There are many successful people in the black community but most seem to only be content that they are content and show little to no concern for the black community or those who are trying to make it up or out. At least Cosby has done his part……what about the others?

The wealthy black CEOs, lawyers, doctors and such? I can’t single them out all…because some do go back and try to help their community in a POSTIVE way, but not enough of them, that is defaintly true. However, why would you overlook the rappers in the process when —particularly the rappers who are so often put on peddle stools and are “role models”( for literally no good reason) are sitting comfty in their nice big houses/ riding in nice big cars…making their money FROM the youth and doing nothing FOR the youth but degrading their minds.

Even if you were where I’m from and went through what I went through….. if how I got out of that situation was through selling drugs and killing people—–do you know that a lot of kids have bought into this thinking that….. they can do what Jay did and not get caught and put under the jail, not get killed, not get string out? All the things these rappers did illegally to get out of their situations only actually promote such situations. Their actions only hurt the black community when they were selling dope and it hurts the BC now, even if they stop selling it but are still rapping about it. That’s nothing to look up to; it’s all negativity, no matter how one looks at it.

These people simply sicken me. It sickens me even more that we, as adults actually promote this crap and let our children promote it when it does nothing positive for the youth, nothing for the spirit, and nothing for the mind. Sex, money, drugs and a life of crime—that’s all he wrote.

“The love of money is the root of all evil.”

If you are going to rap….rap about something that has meaning….something positive and uplifting…something that can help someone’s life, not destroy it.

Rappers like Common, The Roots, Dead Prez, and Lauryn Hill—all of these rappers are from the “hood”, but get overwhelming overlooked in the music scene and sometimes all together looked down on and they are actually talking about something worth listening to. The mentality has GOT to change.

M Anderson said:

You keep making a distinction between children and teenagers, but they are one of the same. A teenager is still a child, still easily influenced, still has room for natural growth, and less experienced then an adult. The term adult is a person who has attained the age of maturity, when we no longer give you the benefit of the doubt. Yet, I don’t agree with the comment “they know”. There are a lot of adults who have no more knowledge about how to act then their children, that’s why they can’t teach their child. It’s not an act, they really don’t know how to act.

As a teenager, you have a sense of knowing, independence, and power over your will—a 5-12 more than likely doesn’t; their decisions are still mostly governed solely by their parents. You have the ability to distinguish right from wrong and choose the path of your choosing. I know this because I did it and I know others who did this. It is a hard thing to step away from the crowd and go against the tide.

People will look down on you, claim you think you are “better” than they—in spite of your explaining to them that you just want better for yourself, want to be yourself, and you want them to want better for themselves too. This is personal responsibility and parental responsibility as well, but peer pressure and social pressure are both absolutely NOT something you HAVE to buy into. It’s about finding yourself and being yourself in spite of not because of. So when I say that, I am speaking from personal experience.

M. Anderson said:

It’s not about convenience. And the only reason they are mad with Cosby, is because it’s aimed at them and don’t understand why. It’s great Cosby has given to his community, that’s what your suppose to do. A lot of people can’t say the same, but they also don’t have to agree or listen to him say what he wants. It’s like someone walking up to you, giving you a $100 bill and proceeding to talk about you. Just because they gave you something, doesn’t mean you have to sit there and let them berate you especially if you feel they don’t know you and have no just reason to say those things about you.

You’re right. You don’t have to listen…just sit in your own mess and rott, then complain about how no one cares. Well, obviously, you don’t care.

This is a big problem, I think, and it, more or less, just reminds me of the argument people are making against Barack Obama for not being “black enough”. Look, Cosby and Obama are affected by these issues, as is every African American regardless if they have actually gone through or are going through the exact same thing.

They have enough understanding to understand that, perhaps, if these things are not addressed properly and people just let anything fly, as they have been lately, their children may end up in the same dire place/situation or their children’s children.

Perhaps they understand that in the greater scheme of things, we are ultimately responsible for how the future generation perceives itself and it’s history and it’s people. We are merely reflections of our ancestors, that can either be a good thing or a bad thing. It’s what WE make it.

Thank God for the likes of those like Bill Cosby and Barack Obama; they understand that Old Man Time knows no mercy, so they want to do all they can while they still have time to make things as right as possible before time catches them as it has so many before us.

M. Anderson said:

I don’t think it’s “not cool to be smart”. I think that because a lot of times the “noted smart” kids are far and few they’re outcasted to make the other’s feel better about themselves But in school situations anyone different then the norm is made to feel that way. Compare school curriculum in the urban areas vs. the middle class areas. The goal in most of the urban areas is attendance and to get more than the previous year’s class to graduate. There’s a documentary I think on HBO, “No Child Left Behind”..If the teacher’s aren’t as qualified, the administration isn’t behind it, the parents aren’t involved and the children are left to suffer as victims of yet another institution that doesn’t believe in them how can you measure their aspirations vs. youth with a much better situation? They are still children, they won’t look back at the stupid things they are doing now, until they’ve screwed up and gotten into the situations where they have self realization of life and what it has to offer. Yet by then for a lot of them, it’s too late.

I seriously disagree with you on this for two reasons. The first is the fact that I have seen this happen so many times, it’s impossible to count, especially in poorer neighborhoods/schools or schools in urban areas—you are just one person and you are an adult now and you’ve gone to college, which makes all the difference. Watch Akeela and the Bee.

The second being that you said a lot of times the “noted smart” kids are far and few; there are so many intelligent black children in the ghettos and in the most over looked of places that it is truly a shame that these notions, being smart is not cool and the likes, actually make a lot of them suppress their inner intellectual selves and promotes the slang and the “I just don’t give a * mentality, as long as I’m cool and you respect me”.

Merely using correct grammar is not cool, it’s “white” to a lot of blacks (even adults). Stop looking at it as “white” and look at it as just a normal means of talking, which we all learned in school for 12 years—it’s really not a complicated process, especially considering English is our first language— it’s quite ridiculous not to speak correct grammar.

I don’t mean be perfect in everything that you say but sometimes I have heard people who just murder it. People whose first language is their mother tongue, and their second language may be Amharic, and their third is English sometimes speak it better than I have heard some black people speak it. It’s the mentality, again, I must say, the mentality has to change. It’s almost like a chain reaction of negatives pivoting off of each other. How about a chain reaction of positives that do the same?

M. Anderson said:

He’s (Cosby) just got a lot of the wrong attention. He’s bringing focus to a problem we need to address in our community. We don’t need commentary by CNN, to tell us what we need to be doing. We need him to say, “It’s okay being you, but in order to be successful you NEED to focus. You NEED to take responsibility. You NEED to grow up, respect yourself, love yourself, love each other. You can do anything, God has put you on this earth for things a lot bigger then rapping, handling a ball, or standing on a corner. I love you, your community loves you, we embrace you, and we want you to be better for us. To make us stronger.” That is the message he needs to convey. Not focus on “the N’word”, or clothing, or etc..You don’t have to talk down to people to make them listen. Respect them and they will give you respect in return.

Although I agree with you that CNN shouldn’t be commentators, you have to understand that …that is what is bound to happen when you lack unity in the masses. As I said in an earlier comment:

even if it was to be pulled off, it would have done little to nothing. Why in the world would I say such a thing? You have youth that would not even care to go to something like this; they would have felt as if they were being lectured, and that’s the normal response of most kids…they rebel, especially if that’s the type of behavior they are use to—cursing out moma, daddy, and everyone else and thinking they are grown every minute before they turn 14. Of course some would have went and maybe benefitted from it as well, but overall—I don’t think it would have lasted very long. The mentality is warped.

I do think that the way in which you said those words are needed (which by the way, were simply touching), but also I think the way in which Cosby said it was needed also.

Some people will hear you say, “It’s okay being you, but in order to be successful you NEED to focus. You NEED to take responsibility. You NEED to grow up, respect yourself, love yourself, love each other. You can do anything; God has put you on this earth for things a lot bigger then rapping, handling a ball, or standing on a corner. I love you, your community loves you, we embrace you, and we want you to be better for us. To make us stronger.” And just laugh in your face and keep doing whatever it was they were doing before, not even giving your words an afterthought. While others would embrace it and take it into their hearts and minds while distributing it in their daily lives.

The same can be said for Cosby’s tough love. Tough love and direct love are both needed because the truth is we have different breeds of people out there, so we need both.

M. Anderson said:

It’s like you said before about them not seeing Bill Cosby as Cliff Huxtable or Mr. Pudding Pops anymore, they don’t know who Sydney Poiter is. In fact go to a child 10 years old, they don’t know who Tupac is. Our role models, leaders, etc..don’t supercede rappers, because today that’s all there is for the youth. Obama, is arguably the first black man that youth in all different backgrounds are looking at like “Wow, That’s amazing! If he can do it maybe I can too.”

Be the change you want to see. Perhaps, you should spread that message to people wherever you get a chance…make the time. Make a speaking engagement. Often I find that those of us who so desperately want change are not commanding it within ourselves (personal responsibility), we are not taking it upon ourselves or lives to make it happen.

We are quick to say what someone else should do or shouldn’t’ do, yet we aren’t doing much ourselves. Everything, thus far, that I have said that needs to change, I’ve made the changes in me and I’ve done things differently in me. I am a living, breathing, positive model for those who think black people like me don’t exist. It starts with me, as an individual and once as a child—that’s where I made my change; I can’t tell someone else to do something that I don’t even do myself. Children especially look at those things. There are many people, just average, normal people, out there who can be positive models but they choose not to—it’s not their responsibility, right?

It’s much easier to tell a child, “go to school, make good grades, go to college”. Then to tell that same child, okay you went to school, made good grades, but there is no money for you to go to school. Or you made good grades in YOUR school, but your SAT scores still aren’t high enough to get into this school. Or the requirement for you to graduate YOUR high school were inferior to the school up the street in another district and your GPA doesn’t matter because you didn’t have the same core classes that are a requirement for this college.

Let me just say this. I am an example of this myself and I could tell you many who were in worse case scenarios—you might be one yourself. It takes sacrifice, dedication and hard work. It’s far from easy but it’s equally far from impossible. It should not be such a struggle for us when it’s very easy for the white American living 15 miles away but it is. The system is unjust in so many different ways, but you can’t let that stop you from living your dreams.

There was “no money” for me to go to college; my parents didn’t save a dime in the name of my college education, but I went to college and I got a degree—as did my sister. These standardized test are biased, but I have to take it anyway and I’m still at it. I went on an academic scholarship because I worked hard through high school. I’m continuing on to a professional school, and still there is “no money” for me to pay, but I’m going any way because my dreams are only as far as I make them, you understand?

Let no one stand in the way of your dreams, no individual, no disability, not money, not anything. The only thing that can stop you is your lack of will and determination, period.