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Archive for Annoyances

WashedOut|”Impressions”

      First Impressions”? Yeah, I could see why for an interview maybe because you really want or need that job, sometimes you have to make a stretch. After all, they can’t fire you when the charm you had in the interview suddenly leaves after the first month on the job—its business as usual.

     For everyday, normal people? I fail to see the reverence. You may counter argue that maybe one day these normal, everyday people may be in a position one day to do some extraordinary things. It is true, however, if I only interacted with people who I thought would “be somebody” one day, I’d be cheating myself out of my own potential.  In situations like these, reality can get you kicked out the door as fast as illusion got you into it; it’s not an interview with laws to protect you after the fact. Beyond this, when most people do things “extraordinary” for you, it’s a give and take situation. Nothing not given freely will ever come freely.

    Typically at this point, there are many who are hung up on trying to make a “good “ first, second, and third “impression”, so in reality you don’t really get to know them until after the fact anyway, and that could be a good or bad finding.

I guess there are those who do this because it actually works on the majority! I’ve never understood and never will how someone would be charmed by someone who is trying to charm, maybe it’s not so obvious then but look at the situation and that within itself is obvious. In certain situations people tend to overcompensate for something by exaggerating some other aspect that is not just a natural inclination for them.  I’ve seen many “sweet“-labeled people eventually show their true colors as the complete opposite
 An “impression” is often giving one’s self a false persona that is more than likely revealed sooner or later to be just what it is, an illusion. The first impression is never the last.

 It reminds me of children who don’t feel comfortable being themselves, as they have to “fit in” somewhere, like a piece to a puzzle, so they pretend. The sad part about this is a lot of people will go through their entire lives not ever being able to freely be themselves–that is, be comfortable being themselves around others. 

     Maybe just being one’s self isn’t as impressive as pretending to be something else for most people. My “impression” is just me being me—but then that’s not an “impression” at all; it’s reality and incapable of becoming washedout. I’d prefer to be around people who are more in touch with themselves and the latter; those are the people who impress me, not the WashedOut Impressions– but the lasting and truthful reality being that they are genuine and there truly aren’t too many of their kind left in the world.

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Images of|Blackness

   OK, so we’ve all heard that America’s first black president is Bill Clinton. When I first heard this, I was clueless to the logic behind it. Nothing about this man is “black“.

How was Bill Clintion the first black president?

  1. Bill Clinton cheated on his wife
  2. Bill Clinton lied.
  3. Bill Clinton liked to “get head” (Oral Sex).

Obviously, it is immoral and therefore defiantly negative to cheat on a spouse, and not every black man cheats on his wife but are those that do cheat considered moreblack” than those who do not?  Lying is not a positive thing either; are there no honest black folks?—If I don’t lie to cover my tracks, am I not “black”? Oral sex is not necessarily negative, but does it make one black to enjoy oral sex? Many people all over the world (black, white, Asian, Latino, other) engage in oral sex, cheat on their wives, and lie in an attempt to get out of trouble. Another side of this is that some people (black, white, Asian, Latino, other) are more…”square”, so to speak, and do not engage in that type of sexual activity. It’s not a “black” thing and should not be embraced as a “black” thing. Here’s that parody I was talking about in the Cyclic|BET post but there is some seriousness to it as well; a lot of these things actually promote negative stereotypes unfortunately making them a reality for some.. The big question here is why is everything virulent and negative embraced as “black” and embraced as black by other black people? With all the negative stereotypes (another post) already out there, particularly about black Americans..why add on to the list? Another thing looked at as being “black” by other blacks is being late for everything as if it a “cultural” aspect of blackness. Let’s get real. Of course, no one of any race will always be on time for everything, but if you are late for everything you are invited to, hosting, or are required to attend, that is a personal problem that as an individual one needs to address and improve upon being that it is wasting other people’s time and shows a serious lack of effort/concern of other people’s time and effort in respect that. It is a very normal thing for me to show up on time and sometimes earlier, am I not “black”?  Assuming, accepting, and embracing this merely because someone is black is simply wrong. These things make great impressions on black children and how they view themselves and their fellow black men, women, and peers. Furthermore, it makes great impressions on how we, as a people view ourselves.

Cyclic|BET

 If you ask me,  and even if you don’t I’m still going to say it because it simply needs saying, BET should simply get no airtime (along with many other shows, but this tops the cake for me because it’s my people, and I love all people, but black people—I am you).  BET Jazz is fairly decent, but BET is horrible. Before you get truculent and start throwing bricks, stones, and pellets…

I’m not a “sell out”, I’m not trying to “act white”, I’m not “stuck up” and I do not think that I am “better” than anyone. Anyone who thinks BET is innocuous is either prevaricating or in self-denial. If the only thing that can entertain black people (hence the name Black Entertainment Television) are a bunch of half naked women, spinning rims, heavy chains, oversized jeans and t-shirts, the excessive use of “bitch” and “whore”, and a life of drugs and crime—particularly in the majority of the rap videos—- then as a people… that is literally morose because we are not thinking progressively for ourselves, but more importantly for our children. Children need plenty more than what some hip-hop fantasy emblazed in a video can offer their minds. Why can’t Black Entertainment Television be something educational, enriching, and inspiring? Let’s keep in mind that the owner of BET is a white guy, who is happily enjoying the many contributing minds and bodies of those engaged piously in something not worth the time or effort of watching but what does he care? Why should any of these rappers and artist care? It keeps their wallet full and avarice satisfied.

 Why wouldn’t you care and remain static? When I was younger, I use to come home from school and watch BET videos for hours. For me, it wasn’t so much from ennui as it was merely addicting. This took time away from more important things like studying, spending time with family, and exploring new things. What I saw on the videos, were of no use to me in the real world—-so I thought. When I truly opened my eyes, I realized that in real life, these people were COPYING what they saw on these videos—literally: seeing little boys with over sized pants and shirts, heavy, long chains around their necks, and earrings in their ears trying to “holla” at little girls who were now convinced the best way to get some attention and “love ”was with a short skirt, increased cleavage, and responding positively to the words, “bitch” and “whore”.

People try to justify this by saying “Sex sells”. Well, of course it does, so why not just set up a porno site, magazine, or channel? I mean, face it, a lot of these videos are borderline porn.  Why call it Black Entertainment Television?  An even better question: Why is everything virulent and negative embraced as “black”? (Another blog entry). The same thing can be said for a lot of black movies that are suppose to be parody; there are but a handful of black movies I’d actually pay to watch—because most only successfully further stereotypes and actually turn stereotypes into truths for many.  Before you know it, you have “babies making babies”—nowadays parents and grandparents raising grandchildren and great grandchildren, high STD rates, a ridiculous amount of blacks in the prison system (drugs, violence, theft, rape among other things). Of course not all blacks in the prison system belong there but what about the many that do?

Others say “Women are exploiting themselves”. HERE—I agree. No one makes these video vixens get on live television and exploit themselves by being half naked, obscene, and respond to obscene names. Inside or outside of these videos, if women would not respond to derogatory terms like “bitch” and “whore”, treated themselves with some self respect in their mannerism and dress, then they’d get respect. These guys would have no choice but to address her correctly or he wouldn’t stand a chance. The women who have self respect would sometimes be labeled as “stuck up” among other things because of a bruised ego. I say your (the male) ego should be built on something more respectable. Those who don’t have self respect…..I would simply tell you to raise your standards, but if you loved yourself, that would be automatic.

Now I am not placing the blame of these societal things on BET but I won’t exculpate it either. Of course, it starts in the home first and then comes personal responsibility and community, but I think BET plays a vital role in promoting these things instead of helping to eradicate or at least ameliorate them. What am I doing about it? I have for 8 years and counting stopped watching BET, and will not allow any future children, in my care, to watch it either. To me, it’s didactic, mental bondage-in the very literal sense.  

Envious|Nature|of Women

 

 I realize this title may seem to some like a sweeping generalization or even a hyperbole. However, from my own empirical experiences, I’d beg to differ.  To some, it may even seem like a good thing to have people envious of you (Usher Raymond’s “Pop Your Collar”), but in truth envy and jealousy is never a good thing for the person who is envious or the person who is being envied; it can easily turn into fuel for hate (envy-er) and vain self-importance (envy-ee). I’d like to point out a few things about this envious nature in case you are confused. Let me note, age does matter, typically younger women, or women who still consider themselves to be young mostly fall into this category and it isn’t everybody but it’s a lot of bodies in my experience—it doesn’t matter state or city.

  1. TypeA who is gregarious and loves attention sees typeB who’s not into the “spotlight” mentality getting…with little to no effort…the same attention if not more attention than typeA— typeA now feels relegated and is now upset with typeB; it doesn’t matter if they know each other or not.  
  2. You’re out  (mall, movies, grocery store, etc) …you don’t have to be dressed up over the top or anything..you have an extemporaneous look, maybe even dressed down… just handling your business and you pass a female stranger (white) and she looks at you with annoyed intimidation mildly glazed in her eyes…starting from your face…then down the rest of your body and then stares into your face again. The look says, “Just who do YOU think you are?
  • For another woman (black American)…the motion is the same, maybe just staring into your face or looking up and down your body, but the look is different. This look says “You ain’t ALL that”.
  • From another woman (Asian, Latina, African, other) the look is stupefied disbelief, like “Impossible….”

It’s the expression on their faces that tell all and I don’t even think they are even aware of their expression, but obviously me looking back into their faces, I can plainly see it for what it is.

Of course, I’ve had more positive experiences with this as well (white, black, other) they would look, and nothing is wrong with that but, guess what? They don’t have that look of annoyed intimidation of their faces and they speak  or smile  (an authentic smile). It’s a look of admiration, if nothing more. Some will say they appreciate your outfit or your beauty; some will simply say hello. I mean seriously, it is rude, to look and stare and have an ugly expression on your face all at once and not even say “Hi” or have some better acknowledgement.

  • Just to throw another out there because there are many, you have females of any and every race and background that are with their boyfriends/husbands, and as you pass, she all of a sudden, holds him close or literally moves his face to another direction, some even dare him to look your way and again gives you the “look” (laughs). It’s really sad and onerous. It’s mostly insecurity about self. Get beyond that by loving yourself, first.

Some women don’t have a lot of female friends, some not any because of this envious nature and I can relate. Also as a result, most of them have more male friends than female. Yes, just friends not friends with benefits. They may say things like,” They are jealous of me” or “They start too much drama”. Now maybe some of you, who were fortunate enough to find true sisterhood (love, unity, and honesty), may think something is wrong with the person who says any of those things. Maybe it is them and not the other woman they accuse. Well, maybe you are right, but can that be true in every situation? It’s highly unlikely. I have many personal experiences with people I actually knew and was close to, but that will have to wait another day in  another blog entry .On a higher note though, I’ve always believed that having a few good friends, male and/or female,  is much better than having 15  lousy “friends”.