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Archive for Marriage

Tyra Banks|Black Women|State of|the Union

There is an increasing number of educated and/or independent, black women…we’ll call them “EIBW”and a decreasing amount of these women who are actually getting married. Why is this? I have perused this situation.

These newly breed EIBW typically recant the same, old “gender roles” their parents probably assumed. The normal “duties” such as: cooking, cleaning, and taking care of children for a woman are becoming more uniform being that both parties are leading very busy and ambitious lives. There really aren’t too many professions that a man is in that you won’t at least see one woman.

Black males from broken homes as well as homes where their fathers were present, typically saw their mothers and grandmothers assume the role of caretaker, provider, cleaning, and cooking while their fathers either not around at all, doing his own thing, or those who were around just as providers, and fixing things around the house for the most part. Sometimes male egos are objected to the idea of actually having to take care of a child, let alone provide for the child financially, because often it is seen as something “feminine” to rock a child to sleep, give a child a bottle, bath, or change a diaper. At most, they would play with the child when it’s happy or take the child to daycare but no real caretaker position is usually assumed. You may hear things like “it’s a woman’s job” or “I don’t know how to do this or that”. It’s called learning, lest one forgets no female is born knowing how do take care of a child in any way; she had to learn too. Therefore, it’s safe to say that these statements are merely excuses for not wanting to take part in these responsibilities. Further proof of this is in the increasing number of black males who are fathering children but not married to the woman/women who mother their children who throw their child(ren) off on their (the male’s) mothers and grandmothers to take care of the child when it’s their (the male’s) “ turn” to take care of and spend time with their (the male’s) child(ren).

Of course, none of this applies to everyone meeting this demography, but a lot of it has to do with their (black males and females) upbringing and the “roles” that their mothers, grandmothers, and fathers played or didn’t play. For some black females, there is resentment, so to speak, from being inured—in the fact that their mothers and grandmothers were seemingly overwhelmed by daily housework, children, cooking, and cleaning— almost single handedlyand all the while working (as someone’s employee) just as hard and pulling just as many hours as their father. It typically wasn’t so much, for the woman of that time, ambition as it was trying to make “ends meet”. Some of these females even had to assume responsibility at a very early age to help their mother with these things and to raise younger siblings.

         There is hardly the “stay at home” mom mentality, especially with EIBW. A lot of black men are intimated by EIBW and their mentality. Maybe this kind of black male’s need to control and call all the shots in an evolving society were women are just as ambitious and hard working as men causes conflict. Perhaps they (the males) are confused of their role as the “male” in such cases. Sometimes egos are bruised at the idea of a woman making more money than a man and many of these EIBW are making close to, if not right at six figures. As Tyra mentioned, 73% of interracial marriages involve black men. One audience member, on Tyra’s show,  made the statement that if things keep going they way they are, black women (In America) will be extinct.  A black man’s “trophy wife” (marrying a woman based on looks or ethnicity alone) doesn’t have to be white, although typically whites are the ultimate prize, being erudite usually doesn’t matter. They could be mixed (black and other), Latino, Brazilian, Pilipino, etc. Trophy wives for black males are any other than that of black or the closest from black.

 It is rare that you find an EIBM (man) with an EIBW; there seems to be a conflict of interest. You may hear things like: “Black women have attitudes and are irascible” “A good black woman is hard to find”. This is an indication that the black male finds “otherseasier to “manage”; it indicates that they (others) don’t speak their minds as much and are more submissive and reticent (typically these are gold-diggers or those who depend on a man for their very livelihood).  I don’t believe speaking your mind and being honest with yourself and those around you makes one intransigent. The words “good woman” is subject to ones own interpretation. Of course, none of this applies to everyone meeting this demography but this is the current trend.